Friday, June 25, 2010

WORLD CUP SOCCER

It is just before the England v Brazil match. Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered."

Ronaldinho looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself-you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads

"Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)".

He is beating England all by himself!

A few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers, "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on." They put the teletext on.

"Result from the Stadium 'Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1 (Lampard 89 minutes)."

They can't believe it; he has single-handedly got a draw against England!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sitting with his head in his hands.

He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

"No, no, I have, I've let you down...I got sent off after 12 minutes."

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Politicians is Stoopid

It seems a favorite weaseling exercise of political candidates is to get all holy when it turns out some unsavory people have donated to the campaign. Once an uproar starts over donations from such unsavories, it seems obvious you would just say "I'm not interested in appealing to that group, but if they want to donate, that's good for us"!

Of course, expecting anything intelligent from a political campaign is like expecting Coca-Cola from milking a cow. No, they always do the ridiculous thing, because they are catering of course, to the average moronic voter. They "return" the donation to the unsavories.

Every time I hear about it, I lose a little more faith in humanity. Isn't it obvious that this is exactly the same as contributing to the unsavory cause? Why don't you give them back twice what they donated to really show them you hate their kind of hate?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Welcome to National Socialist America

In an absolutely incredible ruling, the Supreme Court has decided that a man illegally kidnapped, imprisoned, and tortured by the CIA cannot sue the US government—because that would possibly reveal state secrets! I suppose if you are illegally kidnapping, imprisoning, and torturing people around the world, you'd prefer that it was kept secret. But why in the hell does the Supreme Court go along with the destruction of the rule of law? They're pretty much irrelevant in a pure dictatorship.

Just in case it isn't obvious, the USA is now officially a totalitarian regime. The “rule of law”, as screwed up as that is, no longer applies when the government doesn't want to go to court.

Congree has proved over and over that they are Bush's bitches, and will roll over, typically with only the fear of a threat of executive displeasure. And now the Supreme Court drops to its knees as well. Welcome to Nazi America.

Friday, September 28, 2007

The TSA

Airport "security" is a giant charade. Totally out of context, here is a response I posted on /. concerning that:

The "politician's fallacy":

  1. Something must be done!
  2. This is something.
  3. Therefore, it must be done!

The first problem is that the government's "solution" is not a solution, it is demonstrably completely ineffective.

Second, there is indeed a trade-off between wasting enormous amounts of time and resources and saving lives. Most likely, if all motor vehicles were governed to be unable to exceed 15 MPH, there would be almost no deaths due to motor vehicle accidents. But would it be worth it?

Third, there's this little concept called liberty that no one seems to be able to grasp anymore. Does it ever occur to anyone but me and Archie Bunker that if the TSA wasn't so committed to disarming all the good people, that any hijacker would have a lot more to worry about than he does now?

Friday, September 21, 2007

Boston, home of the frightened ninnies

So, those ever-vigilant terrorist-fighters in Boston have foiled another evil terrorist plot. Some loony college chick dressed up in a circuit board with some flashing lights, and was almost killed by the ever-vigilant Boston cops (motto: "Blinking lights are the surest sign of a terrorist bomb!")

The sheer insanity of the Boston police just defies my ability to mock it. You should recall that the whole city was put in a state of siege recently when Cartoon Network distributed some advertising in the form of small boxes with some blinking lights. What kind of inbreeding has led to this level of idiocy? They actually let their Chief of Police go on national media and state that he was willing to shoot this poor girl dead because he was so sure she must have a nuclear bomb stuffed between her boobs.

It's the blinking lights, you see. They're a dead giveaway. All terrorist bombs have exposed circuit boards, and those blinking lights.

I suggest he just close the city. It's just too dangerous to allow people to just wander about, and you never know when they might whip out some blinking lights again.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Charities are very annoying

Yeah, that's a revelation. But I have a very specific complaint today.

I decided about a year ago that I should donate money to worthy causes to a few good charitable organizations to improve my karma. I had in hand a little envelope and note from a neighborhood lady soliciting for the American Heart Association. It seemed like a good fit... lord knows how long my heart will last.

Well, since then, I've received solicitations from about two dozen different organizations. Nine out of ten enclose a large pack of return address labels. Some of these are fairly nice. I like the big fat ones. But every damned one of them puts my name on them as "Mr. Xxxxx Oldcrankyredneck". Am I supposed to be impressed because they consider me a "Mr."? It looks to me like they assume I must be some country hick who would be so impressed.

Well, all charity nitwits out there, let this dumb country hick learn you a little bit about etiquette. It is presumptuous and callow to refer to oneself as "Mr.". So, I've had to trash about 300,000 address labels that I could have used (well, about .01% maybe). Just because you target dumbasses instead of dignified people.

Maybe the averages work out better for them this way. Maybe most dignified people throw their stupid labels away anyway. I really hate to see the waste, though.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Democrats == Spineless weasels

Just 3 days ago, Jimmy Carter actually said what should be obvious, that GWB Jr. has run the worst presidency of all time. It was surprising and refreshing to see that he had some stones.

Just 3 days ago, the congress was amazingly showing some stones by standing toe-to-toe with GWB Jr., daring him to veto his own war.

Well, it appears that all those stones were just pebbles after all. For reasons that can't possibly be explained, Carter weaseled out of meaning what he plainly said, calling it "misunderstanding". and of course the first refuge of the weasel, "taken out of context". Bullshit, he's just a spineless weasel, and if he's so smart, why doesn't he just keep his mouth shut?

Of course the dems in congress caved. It's hard to know what they're thinking though; generally a politician with any sense tries to avoid pissing everyone off at the same time. And they've done it brilliantly. They're not for the war, they won't do anything to stop it, and everyone knows they're a bunch of useless parasites. Obviously, they smelled an opportunity to leverage some extra pork through the system, and soooey!, that's all he wrote.